When you receive news of a cancer diagnosis, you may feel a wide range of emotions. Managing these emotions helps you to go through treatment and adjusting to the possible changes that cancer will bring to your life. Understanding emotions also helps others, especially a caregiver to have a better picture on learning how to help the person with cancer. Often, the patient and their loved ones experience similar feelings. Common feelings for people diagnosed with cancer include:
- Fear of cancer changing their life and lives of family members. There is also the fear of treatment or death.
- Sadness and depression from not being able to do certain things they used to do. It could be a mild case of the blues or depression, which is treatable.
- Anxiety of finances, work, and effects of treatment or how the family will adapt.
- Anger towards having cancer as it has interrupted your life’s plans. You may even be angry with family, friends, doctors, nurses or your God (if you believe in one).
- Loneliness of not being able to join others for activities. You may feel lonely if friends or family have a hard time dealing with cancer and will not visit you.
- Loneliness if you are unable to share feelings with people who matter
- Loss of control. Learning about cancer and its treatment helps you look after yourself and give you back some feeling of control.
- Hope as chances of surviving cancer are brighter in present time.
- Guilt for needing people to care for them.
- Fear of cancer recurring.
There will be changes in the life of a cancer patient; physically, psychologically, socially and even spiritually. When diagnosed with cancer, most patients tend to ask, “why me?” and begin to have thoughts of being punished by God, being weak in their faith or similar thoughts. People have shared that their faith and religious beliefs are renewed but for some, their faith may be shaken. However, those with strong belief systems often cope better in dealing with cancer.
In Malaysia, spirituality is often thought of as being the same as religion. Religion often has its own belief systems, rituals and teachings that serve as a guide to life. Spirituality revolves around the value of life, purpose and meaning, the past, present and future. You may think about your self worth, either being content with all you have achieved or have regrets or think of missed opportunities. You may feel that cancer has made you a burden for others or feel that family and loved ones have a duty to care for you.
Seeking contentment in the present is an important aspect of spirituality. You may choose to engage in activities, think peaceful thoughts or meditate in order to find solace. At the same time, many patients think of death although they have a high chance of recovery. To live well in the face of cancer, the determination of seeking life and beating death can encourage you to fight on. Cancer patients do think about the legacy they want to leave behind, even the manner of passing.
Spirituality is not often discussed as people are usually unsure of what to say but openness in a relationship helps to make dialogue easier. Here are some questions that can start you in seeking spirituality:
- What are the most important aspects of my life?
- What do I cherish most?
- What do I enjoy doing?
- Does religion mean anything to me?
- How does faith help me?
- What are my aims in life?
- What do I want to achieve in the time I have left?
- How do I want to be remembered?
For many in Malaysia, cancer is often detected at an advanced stage for various reasons and for them, decision and choices could be a confusing experience. They often seek all kinds of ways of treatment, hoping for a miracle recovery.
Words of a doctor, oncologist, surgeon or physician may be very difficult to accept. In addition to the news, rounds of tests and treatment that may cause significant side effects, and do not promise a certain cure makes the situation more difficult. Second and several more opinions may be sought, with a hope that someone will give the promise of a cure. Many times, a patient may not reflect on the situation and their options because anxiety will take over their thoughts and feelings.
Many people feel a loss of control and will need optimism and hope. The search for a miracle then occurs. They will begin listening to friends and loved ones who know someone who was cured with treatment X or seeing a miracle healer. There will be stories in the media and people who claim that they are able to cure all cancer and other diseases as well. Many Malaysian cancer patients change their diet, medication, undergo treatment involving impressive machines or making trips to foreign lands to look for a cure. Some will believe that faith and religiosity enhances the making of a ‘miracle’. The evidence however suggests that spirituality enhances the ability to cope rather than influence the outcome of cancer.
Many patients feel that alternative treatments will provide a miracle as they may feel less confident with response from conventional doctors and after all, there seems to be nothing to lose. Yet, these cures do have a stake. It may be money, time, effort and side effects of the purported treatment. It gives hope yet it may also crush them and in doing so lost opportunities and regrets follow. Quality of life and living life to the fullest may be sacrificed. Loved ones will stand by the patient to console them but many times, patients may just pretend to feel better in front of others.
There is probably no denying a need to believe in a miracle, but it often needs to be thought of as hopes and wishes. Hence, be practical in making decisions.
Before you undergo any form of alternative treatment, ask yourself these questions:
- What alternative treatments are available and how does it help in improving my condition?
- How would l know if the treatment works?
- What are the costs of the treatment- in terms of finances? What would I have to give up?
- Where do I go and whom do I ask for more information?
- Who should I listen to and can I trust the person (s)?
Listen and clarify all options available. Do ask lots of questions both to yourself and also reflect on the importance of such questions. Whilst it may be helpful to keep believing that cure is possible, it is more hopeful and achievable to attain a good quality of life free of pain and other symptoms, and live a life of continued meaning, with or without cancer.
